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STOMP! Season 1: The Larch
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STOMP! Season 1: The Larch
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And Now For Something Completely Different
In the dark, dingy, and decidedly smelly room that constituted their current HQ, Luggs looked around at the assembled members of Fight Club and sighed. The usual crew of misfits, cockwombles, and nincompoops were present, and how Social Services hadn't taken them all away for their own protection by now he could never quite comprehend. Not exactly a sterling group to pick from, but they were all that was available.

"Ok ladies and girls, listen up," he began. "We're forming a mercenary company to take advantage of some potentially lucrative contracts coming up, and it's going to involve wandering off into the future using the Chrome-Tastic Galaxy Time Machine." Luggs looked around and scowled, knowing the next bit was going to cause chaos. "It's also going to involve... mechs."

"FUCKING YES!!!" screamed Tenz, jumping out of his seat and prancing around like a 5-year old on a sugar rush. "STOMPY STOMP BITCHES! FACIAL XTREME TIME!"

"Tenz will you sit the fuck down you dozy twatmuffin!" yelled Luggs, trying to maintain some form of order before the others started off. It was, of course, futile.

"Woooooo giant stompy robots! I've been waiting for this!" exclaimed brune happily, high-fiving Ford.

"What do you know about stompy robots you girly-queue-whoring cheesemongers?" snarled Tenz, throwing an evil look their way.

"More than you Mr. 'Epic Flanking Maneuver'," came the reply.

"SHUT THE FUCK UP!" screamed Luggs at the top of his voice, finally managing to quieten them down. "Obviously I have no real interest in leading this thing, I like big butts... I mean... guns. Robots aren't my thing, so against my better judgement I'm going to let one of you idiots run the show."

"MEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEME!!!" yelled brune, Tenz, and Ford, all at the same time. Pandemonium ensued as various other Clubbers raised their objections and proffered other candidates for the role, with many claiming Luggs should lead it anyway. He, however, had already spotted someone who was keeping very very quiet and had made his decision. Drawing in a deep breath, he attempted to bring the meeting to order again.


That did it.

"I've made my decision. Don't think I couldn't see you shrinking back and trying not to be noticed over there. Neo, you have the job."

"Fuck THAT for a game of soldiers!" laughed Tenz, throwing a lovely 'wanker' sign Neo's way. "He's worse than brune!"

"Awwww shit..." muttered Neo unhappily.

Brune had been uncharacteristically quiet and now chuckled, sticking two fingers up at Tenz, who was still gesticulating wildly in Neo's direction and listing all his faults beginning with 'He was born' and moving his way down. "Hey Neo, you can't be any worse at leading than you are at shooting!"

"Don't you fucking believe it..." shouted Tenz.

This finally got a rise out of Neo, who stood up sharply and said those famous words every Mechwarrior dreads: "Don't make me put you in a purple Shitcada Tenz."

"Oh FUCK NO. NO!" came the horrified reply.

"Do I get to be in a tank this time?" asked Tiger hopefully.


Last edited by Neonin on Sat May 26, 2018 10:40 am; edited 1 time in total
Thu May 24, 2018 8:44 pm View user's profile Send private message
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Listening Exam
With a great shudder, the Chrome-Tastic Galaxy Time Machine popped into existence at the jump point. Neo sat staring out the window glumly, his initial burst of anger at Tenz's taunting having long ago faded into apprehension. He knew he sucked, but for some reason Luggs had dumped this command on him.

"Just so we're clear, recite it back."

Luggsy sat on the other side of the cargo bay from Neo, swearing quietly in his head. This had to work.

"House Kurita yadda, parents gone bankrupt and committed hari-krishna..."

"Harakiri you fucking muppet!"

"Whatever... inherited mech and spent time as a freelancer blah... Why do I have to know all this shit again?"

"Because," sighed Luggs with a shake of his head, "it's backstory. You can't run around telling people you got here in a time machine and you need a valid cover identity. I don't need Jean Claude Van Fucking Damme showing up to kick my bollocks in because you were careless and let everyone know we violated the Temporal Prime Directive."

"Did you just mix metaphors?"

"Fuck off. The point is, if *I* get in trouble, imagine what I'm going to do to you?"

Neo chuckled briefly at the image of Luggsy getting his head kicked off by Van Damme, then realised how much trouble he'd end up in and stopped smiling. "So why all this stuff? Couldn't we just be some anonymous group from the outer edges of space no-one has heard of?"

"No. For one thing, there's no we. It's just you to start off."

"What?! Why? You can't leave me out here alo... " Neo paused as he thought about the peace and lack of 'I did your mother' jokes. "Actually that doesn't sound bad, but why? We have what's left of the cash right?"

"Yeah and it's worth about 20 pence in this time frame," sighed Luggs. "Hence the story. We found the poor bastard you're pretending to be dead, slipped on the mech as he was climbing into the cockpit and broke his neck. You get to be him, and we'll drop the rest off in the area for you to collect once you're established and taken over some merc company or another."

"Well what mech did we get?" asked Neo with a glint in his eye, hoping for his favourite Zeus or perhaps even a Hunchie.

"A Blackjack."

"What? Awww fucking hell, that's a Tenz mech with dakka on it."

"I have no fucking clue what it is, but you've got it so quit your whingeing and get on with the job."

"Yes boss. When do I get dropp..." Neo barely got out the last word before he was sucked out of the Gal ramp as it opened mid-air. He'd wondered why Luggs was still wearing his seatbelt.

Luggs chuckled evilly and motioned to Chrome to take them back to the HQ to start picking up the others.

Neo almost managed another word on his way to a soft, but smelly, landing.

Fri May 25, 2018 7:54 pm View user's profile Send private message
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The Ministry of Silly Stomps
Neo looked around the briefing room on the Leopard, its somewhat-spartan aesthetic perfectly setting the mood. This was a place for tactical discussion, preparing for combat missions in an organised and disciplined way. Equipped with all the tools they needed: A holographic 3D map screen, high-resolution displays for each MechWarrior, comfortable (if slightly utilitarian) seating, and other items of technology afforded by their jump forward in time. Neo felt a sense of peace in here, and could even sometimes forget the reason he was...

"GANG WAY LADIES! Your Lord and Master is in the building!"

Brune strutted in casually, flinging his scarf back over his shoulder and posing Biggles-style. He had been the first Luggsy sent through once Neo had given him the all-clear after taking over command of the old Marauder company, and had definitely made himself at home in the short time since then.

"Brune," Neo nodded, motioning to a place by the map table. Brune stuck his fingers up and sat in one of the chairs, nonchalantly hooking a leg over the arm.

"Twatwaffle," he replied with a smirk.

It was going to be one of those meetings again. Any further barbs were headed off by the arrival of the other three Luggsy had sent through. Carter was first, walking in and taking up a space near the table by Neo. DodgeIt came next, swaggering in holding a ridiculously large metal sword he'd somehow picked up since arriving. When confronted about the need for such a weapon, Dodge had mumbled something about chopping their heads off while they lay screaming. He was closely followed in by Freedom, meaning the Club was assembled and the meeting could begin.

"Right, we just arrived in orbit of Bellerophon to take up our first contract. The mission involves..."

Neo was cut off by brune coughing loudly and then raising his hand.

"Yes brune?"

"Why are you in charge?"

"Cause Luggsy told me to be. You were there. I thought you supported me."

"That was only to piss off Tenz. Of course he'll be more pissed off he's not here yet!" brune said with a smirk.

"Well would you kindly shut the fuck up so we can get on with this?" was the exasperated reply.

"No. Why are you in charge again?"

"Because, you giant jizztrumpet, I've just spent three fucking years of my life in this shithole of a universe building my way up to taking over this merc company so you Johnny-come-latelys who only arrived a few weeks ago can play with giant stompy robots! Now fucking shut the fuck up!"

"Better lad, better! We'll make an SL out of you yet!" brune said with a nod, quietening down and confusing the fuck out of Neo.

At this point Carter piped up. "How can you have been here three years, you only left two days ago!"

"Time travel fuckwit, now quiet. Our first contract is to destroy someones base. You know, that thing we do best."

"AWWW YEAH! The SHHD! Our speciality!" enthused Freedom.

"Except you're not going this time Freedom. Sorry. We can only field four mechs at a time and since its everyone else's first time out I'm going to have to go too."



"Why can't we just nuke the base from orbit? It's the only way to be sure!" chortled Dodge, swinging his sword around as if he were in a game of Barbarian.

"Because we don't want to fuck up the entire planet and that's not what we're being paid for. Look I've been here years, I know how this shit works now. I'll take the smallest mech and scout, mark targets for you lot. Anything I find, you pound. Got it?" ordered Neo.

"YUP!" came the chorus of replies.

"Right. Chrome, kick the tires and light the fires, let's go!"

"Ya fuckin' nerd." Chrome said over the intercom.

(For those who've played, I added a mod that skips the tutorial missions and the first one you get betrayed on. I also used a random name picker from the list of us lot to change the names of the starting MechWarriors, so Dodge and Carter are actually girls... soz. I added another mod that increases the number of mech variants too so some favourites that aren't normally in the game can appear, like my beloved Hunchie 4SP)
Sat May 26, 2018 11:04 am View user's profile Send private message
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Mission 1: The Larch
Chrome pulled the dropship away rapidly after the mechs hit the ground, promising to come back when the mission was complete.

"That's assuming the crazy fucking Paddy doesn't crash into us on the way in..." muttered Carter to himself.

"What was that?" asked Dodge.


After checking their mechs were ready and able to prod buttock, Neo's voice came over the intercom. "Right, we all remember the briefing I'm sure. Enemy turrets around the base, and a potential for one or two garrison mechs if we're lucky. I'll move up and see if I can spot anything."

With that, Neo's light Spider mech engaged its jumpjets and bounced away into the tree line, just in front of a large mountain range. Large, that is, to something other than a Battlemech with jumpjets.

"Ok I'm getting some readings on the other side of that range, turret and a possible enemy mech. Can't tell type yet but the turrets can hit us from extreme range so I'm locking that first."

"Ooo look at the fancy SL with all his tactical talk," taunted brune, engaging his mechs throttle and moving up toward the mountain range. After getting the sensor information fed to him by Neo's mech, he opened up with his LRMs and scored a decent hit. Dodge, also having LRMs, moved up beside him and fired too.

"Ok turret is nearly dead, good job all. Carter move up, if that mech decides to crest the ridge blow it off again."

"Hur hur hur... he said blow it off..." snickered Dodge.

"Shut up Dodge. I'm locking the enemy mech... it's a Commando. Probably paper thin armor, give it something to worry about."

"Shouldn't we finish the turret off first?" asked brune, rolling his eyes.

"You want to eat laser fire if that mech jumps over the mountains? The turret can't get to us yet, the mech can."

"Hmm good point. Firing LRMs!"

Neo's sensors lit up with data as the LRMs of brune and Dodge slammed into the enemy Commando. The enemy commander moved his mech into the treeline in an attempt to find cover, and Neo's sensors suddenly detected the presence of another enemy mech at extreme range. He called this out to the lance as he kept one eye on his screens and the other on the mountain ridge. Carter now jumped his Blackjack into the mountains, not high enough to silhouette himself but in a perfect position to jump over and ambush anything close. Brune and Dodge followed suit, firing more LRMs at the Commando.

"Carter watch it, you've been sensor locked... incoming fire!" called Neo.

"FUCK! Shoot at me you fucking twat, I'll fucking fuck you up!" raged Carter, despite his mech only taking minimal damage to the front armor. The Commando started to retreat under the continued LRM fire as the unknown enemy mech moved closer. As it came into range, Neo watched his screens and counted down.

"3... 2... 1... NOW CARTER!"

Acknowledging the call, Carter jumped his mech over the mountains and into position to fire. The unknown mech proved to be a Panther, another light mech, and Carter could also see the Commando in range.

"Firing on multiple targets!" he called, designating the Panther as A and the Commando as B. His twin autocannon-2's thumped in unison and the right torso of the Commando flew off in a shower of sparks and flame. "Yes!" he cried, as his medium lasers scored a hit on the Panther and stripped some armour. "That's how it's done ladies!"

"More incoming fire Carter!" said Neo as missiles and autocannon rounds from turrets rained down around the Blackjack.

"Bring it on bitches! I'm invincible! See, the Panther is backing off!"

"Show off..." muttered brune as he jumped his Vindicator over the mountain range to land near Carter, firing his lasers at the retreating Panther and stripping away most of the armour on its right arm. That was the dangerous one, as it held a PPC. Dodge, not wanting to be left out, also jumped over and fired all his weapons at the Commando, blowing out its left torso and leaving it without arms.

"This is fun! You planning on joining the fight Neo or are you gonna stay hiding behind the mountain?"

"Fuck you Dodge, my mech is basically made of paper. I'll join in when it's advisable to do so, I have no desire to get killed for your amusement."


"Shut up and look out, incoming fire!"

More missiles and autocannon rounds rained down around Carter and Dodge, scoring numerous hits on Carter but only dealing glancing blows to Dodge.

"Well fuck, there goes most of my armour," growled Carter. "Which fucking turret was that? I'm going to poke out his eyeballs and skullfuck the gunner!" He jumped his Blackjack into a prime position and opened up on multiple targets. Two laser shots took out the core of the Commando, which went down in a shower of sparks and secondary explosions. Two more laser shots took off the damaged right arm of the Panther, and his autocannons destroyed the closest turret.

"Why can't I fire at multiple targets?" moaned Dodge upon seeing the carnage Carter was inflicting.

"GIT GUD SCRUB!" Carter replied.

The Panther moved and fired at brune, but with only a single SRM4 rack left could not do much damage. Neo took this opportunity to send his mech sailing over the mountains, landing in a patch of forest behind the Panther and opening up with his medium lasers. They punched through the weak rear armour and blew off the Panthers right torso, rocking the mech back. Carter opened up on another turret while Dodge sprinted his mech toward the Panther.

"Aiiiiiiiii YAH!" he screamed, as his Shadow Hawk reared back and then booted the Panther in its left leg, trashing it and sending the enemy crashing to the ground. Brune, not wanting to miss ut on all the fun, realised the downed enemy was a perfect target for something he'd wanted to do for ages.

"DEATH FROM ABOVE BITCHES!" he screamed as his mech soared into the air in a high arc, then came crashing down on the hapless Panther. The damage was critical and the crushed Panther shut down with a loud clunk.

"Only turrets left and the base we have to destroy, mop up time guys. Well done!" Neo said with a sigh of relief. No-one had died and while Carter's mech had lost a lot of armour it was nothing the engi's back on the Leopard couldn't fix.

Dodge, dragging his giant sword behind him, walked slowly away from his powered down Shadow Hawk and approached the wreck of the Panther. Its pilot was still semi-conscious and groaning in pain, struggling to focus and escape from the cockpit of his smashed mech. Looking down at his foe, he raised the enormous weapon high above him. Lord Dodgeth did spake thus: "I just want to shoot shit and chop the bastards heads off as they lie there screaming! Scream bitch!"

And lo, the mighty blade fell through the air to an accompanying whistle, as the enemy, being naughty in Dodge's sight, did snuff it.

>>>><<<< CHOP >>>><<<<

Sat May 26, 2018 12:30 pm View user's profile Send private message
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Gimme my ole Reaver Mk.1 and I'll make mince meat offa those stompy robots!
But hey, Carter in a BJ-1... anyone other than me finding that funny?

Sun May 27, 2018 7:05 am View user's profile Send private message
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Tiger313 wrote:

But hey, Carter in a BJ-1... anyone other than me finding that funny?

Now that you've mentioned it.. BWAHAHAHAHAHA!

It's 106 miles to Naum, we've got a Skyguard, a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it's dark and the gunner's wearing sunglasses
Mon May 28, 2018 6:31 am View user's profile Send private message
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This rocks!

Mon May 28, 2018 11:24 am View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website MSN Messenger
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Pining for the Fjords
"But why do you get to target multiple enemies and I can't?" whined Dodge, fingering the hilt of his sword as Carter sat grinning at him.

"GIT GUD!" came the reply.

"You said that. Fuck it, Neo I want to use the Blowjob next time I bet it has fancy computer bollocks in it!"

With a shake of his head, Neo fondly remembered the time only a month or so ago when he'd been the only one here. Some things, it seemed, carried on regardless of where they were and pointless bickering was one of them.

"Dodge, you did fine. The Blackjack..."

"Blowjob," interrupted brune.

"BLACKJACK," growled Neo, "doesn't have a targeting computer, active probe, or command console in it. I'll send you on a training course or something, don't worry about it."

"Mechwarrior nerd," brune muttered under his breath.

"I heard that brune. Anyway, we're here to discuss the next mission. One of the locals we keep around for admin duty has picked us up an 'unofficial' contract not tied to the mercenary board, since we're so low on funds and the banks are after our dropship. We're about to enter orbit of a place called Alloway."

"More action! Right get that dropship loaded up and lets stomp some shit!" enthused Carter, still on a high from the previous outing.

"The mission isn't here mate, it's going to involve travelling through something called a pirate point to get to the moon we're after."

"YARRR!!!!" shouted Dodge.


The members of Fight Club sat looking a bit green around the gills. The jump through the pirate point had been much, much rougher than any they'd previously experienced, and it had made most of them sick. Carter, however, was still riding his early enthusiasm and didn't seem affected.


"Fuck off Carter you silly fucktrumpet," groaned brune loudly, still clutching at his stomach.

"Shake it off boys, we have work to do!" Carter chortled, spinning around much to the annoyance of a very sick Neo.

"Right, pack it in. We're here to destroy some shit so some civilian engi's can get an old rust bucket of a ship up and running and then fuck off. The local pirate scumbag, some bint calling herself Grim Sybil, has a makeshift base set up around it but we'll stomp them good I'm sure. Same mechs as before, let's try not to fuck it up."

Freedom, still not having a chance to get involved, walked off in a huff.

"Grim Sybil?" mused brune, his mind going back into the dim past. "I'm sure I dated her once..."

Fri Jun 01, 2018 4:37 pm View user's profile Send private message
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Neonin wrote:

"Grim Sybil?" mused brune, his mind going back into the dim past. "I'm sure I dated her once..."

That's Kraj's mum!

It's 106 miles to Naum, we've got a Skyguard, a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it's dark and the gunner's wearing sunglasses
Fri Jun 01, 2018 8:53 pm View user's profile Send private message
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Mission 2: The Larch
The lance was set down by Chrome as close to the downed ship as he could get. The airless moon was a rugged, featureless grey not unlike Earth's own. Heat dissipation was going to be a problem and Neo was just praying that the usual Fight Club method of 'FIRE EVERYTHING ALWAYS RIGHT NOW' wouldn't get someone killed.

"Giant steps are what you take, walking on the moon!" sang Carter over the intercom as the mechs lumbered into motion, still persisting with his cheerfulness.

"Fuck's sake Carter," growled Dodge in response, "you know the next line is about legs breaking right? Cause that's what I'll do if you don't stop singing..."

"I'll just use my multishot thing to have both of your legs off before you get anywhere near me you sword-swinging girl."

"Can't do that if you don't hear me coming."

"I hear you coming practically every night while you look at those damn anime girls you fucking weeaboo!"

"Right that's it!" yelled Dodge, turning his mech towards Carter. "I'm gonna rip your cockgobbling spine out and fuck Neo with it!"

"Ladies," sighed Neo, sighting enemy turrets and radar blips that looked suspiciously like vehicles ahead of them, "contacts front. Stop fucking around and get your game faces on."

Brune, oddly, remained silent during the exchange and simply readied his mech for action. Suddenly a woman's voice, gravelly and mean-spirited, came out over the radio.

"No-one else seeing this? Wake up you fucking idiots! We've got company!"

"Grim Sybil I assume?" said Neo, turning up the volume to hear what was going on.

"Sounds like it, " said Carter. Just then another strangers voice, a male one this time, came through on the radio as well.

"They're driving... giant battlemechs! We can't fight against..."

*** BOOM ***

A gunshot rang out over the airwaves, followed by the loud thud of a body hitting the ground, startling the Clubbers listening in.

"Any more objections? Good. Then get out there and FIGHT!" Grim Sybil snarled. (Listen Here!)

"Yep, that's definitely the one I dated!" snickered brune.

"Isn't that the way Luggsy deals with people who've been at the hobnobs without permission?" snickered Carter.

Neo increased the throttle on his Spider and engaged the jump jets. "Well they know we're here, let's deal with the turrets. Intel says each set is powered by a generator, if we take them out we don't have to blow up every individual turret."

"Where's the fun in that?" muttered Dodge, leaping his Shadow Hawk forward. Carter and brune, not wanting to be left behind, followed suit. As the mechs reached the side of a small range of hills Neo pulled up, staring intently at his radar screen.

"Ok I can see three or four turrets, and I'm starting to get readings for a few vehicles too. They're all in the gap between the two radar installations."

"Aren't we meant to be blowing those up too?" asked brune.

"Don't we generally blow up everything anyway? Why clarify?" chortled Carter.

"Yes, and kinda," snorted Neo, marking targets on his screen. "Suggest we jump over the ridge there and open up on the turret generators before the vehicles have chance to get into range."

Never averse to exploding things spectacularly, the lance jumped over the ridge and opened fire. Neo and Dodge concentrated on the turret generator to their right, with brune and Carter taking the one on the left. Both buildings went down in a hail of explosions and crashing sounds, with the turrets they controlled exploding too.

"Errr... why would the turrets explode when their power goes out?" asked Dodge.

"Power surge? No idea, but they're not going to shoot at anyone so why worry... FUCK!" exclaimed brune, as a salvo of LRMs rained down around him. "Which dick-nosed butt pirate just shot me?!"

"Vehicles inbound, I count five. One or more obviously carrying LRMs," said neo, jumping his Spider out to the right and exposing a vehicle that was trying to flank them. The medium tank opened fire and hit the Spider with machinegun fire and some medium lasers, but Neo swiftly moved forward and raised his foot high.

"STOMPY STOMP BITCH!" he cackled as he brought the mechs foot down on the tank, turning it into a metal pancake.

"That looks like fun!" chorused the rest of the lance, and suddenly vehicle crews were crying out in terror as giant stompy robots leapt towards them, looking to turn each one into roadkill. While they got a few minor shots off it was nothing to trouble the heavy armour of the mechs, and soon four more pancakes joined the first.

"Ok they're done, let's take those towers out so Chrome can bring those engi's in safely," Neo called, jumping toward one of the installations and opening fire on the now-defenseless radar towers. As the rest of the lance brought their weaponry to bear the first tower came crashing to the ground, unable to withstand the barrage. The voice of Grim Sybil came out on the radio again then, angry and demanding.

"They've knocked out half our damned radar cover! You'd better get those LRMs online NOW, or you're gonna feel what a bellyful of laser fire feels like!"

As another turret opened up by the second tower, brune muttered "That's one mean bitch... definitely my ex."

The new turret opened fire on Dodge, who was closest, and scored a few glancing hits. Snarling angrily, Dodge jumped the Shadow Hawk closer and fired and alpha strike, his AC/5, missles, and laser putting a big dent in the new threat. Carter followed up with his own twin AC/2s and the turret exploded in a shower of sparks. The pair quickly made work of the second radar tower as Neo and brune brought their mechs back into formation.

"Good work boyos, I'll drop the engi's down once you tell me the LZ is clear," chrome said over the radio.

"Right, move up into the pirate base and slag anything that moves," Neo ordered, punching the Spider up to full speed and quickly out-distancing the heavier mechs. The lance, however, quickly discovered that the interior of the base was devoid of anything moving. At least, anything within sensor range. Expecting trouble, they took up defensive positions near the downed ship.

"Fuck me, that's nearly as big as one of Luggsy's breakfasts..." exclaimed Dodge, looking at the huge bulk of the downed ship. "What's that thing called again?"

"I think that fancy bint called it an Argo-class. Something left over from their history, our future... bloody time travel."

"She's nearly as big as Neo's mom," snickered brune.

"Hey brune, this Spider has hand actuators. Look what I can do," replied Neo, raising a giant robot middle finger in brunes direction.

"Coming in hot ladies, watch your heads!" called chrome over the radio, as he brought the Leopard down near the crashed ship and allowed the civvies to disembark. "Right, now I'm fucking off again in cas ethey get more turrets up. You bitches have fun!"

"How come chrome hasn't managed to crash that thing yet?" mused Carter thoughtfully.

"Probably cause it's not a Gal, that ride with him in the time travel one was... interesting... to say the least," said brune, twisting his mech's torso to the left and right in an attempt to keep a visual eye on the surroundings. Neo, as usual, had his eyes glued to the sensor readout.

"We've got our own company guys, I've got three mechs and a couple of vehicles headed our way from the south!"

Sure enough, a Locust came running around the side of a building and opened fire. Dodge took the first hit, his Shadow Hawk shrugging off the minor damage the lasers did. Before he had chance to return fire a Jenner ran around the same corner and fired, its lasers scoring a decent hit on Dodge's left arm and SRMs rocking his mech back slightly.

"Mother FUCKER!" snarled Dodge angrily, stuck for a moment on which of the enemy mechs to fire on. Before he made his mind up a PPC round tore through the air to his left, taking the Locust in the side torso, followed by a blast from a laser which crippled the tiny mech.

"You're welcome!" brune chortled.

"Try and kill-steal me will you? Fuck that!" shouted Dodge, firing on the Locust. With its side torso already gone there was little stopping weapons fire from hitting its critical center torso, and the combined fire from Dodge's weapons was enough to destroy the Locust.

"You crazy fuckers, the JENNER is the dangerous one!" yelled Neo, jumping his mech over the building he'd been hiding behind and firing his lasers at the rear of the Jenner. The two medium lasers he carried weren't enough to punch through the rear armour of the target, but it definitely pissed the enemy mechwarrior off. Carter, his Blowjob sitting on top of a building for better visual range, fired his AC/2's at the Jenner as well but couldn't quite penetrate its armour. Warning sounds suddenly exploded to life in Neo's mech as a sensor lock warning and a hail of LRM fire came arcing through the air from the south, pouding his light mech with repeated hits.

"Fuck, fuck, FUCK! That took a whole bunch of my armour off!" a frustrated Neo called as he jumped his mech back behind the building and out of harms way. Or so he thought. More LRM fire came from the south, fired high into the air so it could rain down over the edge of the building and continue to hit the Spider. "Someone kill that motherfucker already, I'm almost out of armour!"

"Kinda busy!" came the reply, as the others concentrated fire on the Jenner and blew it to pieces as it tried to run around the building Neo was hiding behind to attack him. "Commando coming into visual range along with two enemy tanks!"

The enemy Commando opened fire, and Dodge's indicator panels lit up with warning lights as he took hits. "Left arm armour gone, one decent hit and that's fucked!" he called, using his jumpjets to shift his mechs position and protect the wounded side. The rest of the lance opened fire on the enemy mech but were struggling to land decent hits as it maneuvered around the battlefield.

"Will you tarts get off the fucking rooftops and get stuck in?!" growled Neo as he watched Carter and brune only making use of their long-ranged weaponry.

"You mean so we can end up like your busted-up mech and Dodge's knackered arm?" replied Carter.

"Too fucking right!" Neo yelled as he realised one of the enemy vehicles had got close enough to be stomped flat. Accelerating, the nimble Spider tore round the side of the building and squished the enemy tank. Unfortunately that put him back in visual range and the enemy Commando opened fire, blasting a hole in the Spiders right torso and causing an explosion which tore off the entire right side of the mech and slammed Neo's head against the wall of the cockpit painfully. More warning sirens went off as the light mech staggered under the assault and Neo shook his head in an attempt to clear it and make sense of what was going on.

"Neo's nearly down. Kill that pompous shit goblin, the only person that gets to murder a Clubber is Luggsy!"

The Commando, concentrating on the little Spider, had left itself in the open and hadn't realised the converging Clubbers were descending on it with a vengeance. All three opened fire simultaneously and the enemy mech was rocked by the combined fire, one leg exploding and sending the hapless mech crashing to the ground.

"ARE YOU LOOKING AT MY FACKING PINT?!" brune yelled as he brought his mechs foot crashing down on the enemy pilots helpess Commando, crushing the center torso and shutting it down. Carter, taking advantage of a brief lull in the fighting, ran his mech around the side of a large hill and stomped the other enemy vehicle into a pancake. Neo, finally getting his head clear enough to see, jumped his Spider out of range of the enemy fire and attempted to take stock of the situation.

"Uhh... thanks guys. Right torso and arm is gone, center and left torso armour is stripped off. One decent hit and I'm fucked, good job we finished off..."

"GUYS! That ship is filled with pirates and the bodyguards we sent in with the engis are being buttfucked!" called chrome on the radio urgently. "The Doc we sent in to get the ship up and running is still ok but you might want to hurry it up."

"If that Doc gets killed we're not getting out of here with the ship and that fancy royal bint will probably put a hit out on us," sighed Neo. "Ok we may have to abandon the mechs and go into the ship with rifles..."

Just then his sensor screen lit up again, and a now-familiar voice rang out over the radio.

"You think you're gonna steal my ship, you miserable little cunts? NOBODY steals from Grim Sybil! I'm gonna carve you like a roasted pig!"

"Ok I take it back, even my ex wasn't that mean!" chortled brune.

"We have bigger problems... enemy Shadow Hawk closeing from the south and... Fuck me, that's a Heavy mech," Neo called out.

"Oooo new toy!"

"It's a Quickdraw."

"Pissflaps. They're shit, let's just blow it up."

Brune jumped his mech to get within visual range of the Quickdraw but had forgotten about the Shadow Hawk, which took the opportunity to fire on him. A couple of missiles slammed into his cockpit, and brune cried out in pain and anger.

"YOU FUCKING WHAT?!" he raged, pivoting the Vindicator's torso and opening up on the Shadow Hawk. Neo kept an eye on the sensor screen as Carter and Dodge moved up to support brune. Grim Sybil came into sight in the heavy Quickdraw, which despite a very colourful paint scheme looked somewhat the worse for wear. The Shadow Hawk, on the receiving end of the combined firepower of three mechs, went down quickly and left the Clubbers facing a lone enemy in a badly-repaired mech.

"Do you know what nemesis means?" called brune over the open radio. "A righteous infliction of retribution manifested by an appropriate agent, personified in this case by a 'orrible cunt. Me."

"Snatch quotes? Really?" Carter sighed.

"Me and Brick Top have a lot in common mate."

"Yeah, you're both weird-looking and wear glasses!"

Grim Sybil, ignoring the smacktalk, began firing her medium lasers and missles. Brune took another hit in the left torso that luckily wasn't enough to destroy it, while Neo was on the receiving end of a few missiles that threatened to put him out of commission permanently. Reacting angrily, Neo fired his jumpets and came tearing over the top of the building to land behind the Quickdraw, firing on the weaker rear armour. Carter and Dodge also opened fire and rocked the weakened enemy with repeated hits and staggered the crazy woman.

"Say hello to my little friend!" yelled brune excitedly as he spotted the armour on the center torso of the Quickdraw was low and fired his PPC and lasers. A direct hit on the fusion reactor sent the Quickdraw crashing down and the battlefield went quiet.

Carter joined Dodge as he wandered between the downed enemy mechs, sword in hand.

"How about that one?" asked Dodge, pointing at the enemy mechwarrior Carter had just approached.

"Dead," was the reply.

"You sure? Not just pining?"

'He's not pining! He's passed on! This mechwarrior is no more! He has ceased to be! He's expired and gone to meet his maker! He's a stiff! Bereft of life, he rests in peace! His metabolic processes are now history! He's off the twig! He's kicked the bucket, He's shuffled off his mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleeding choir invisible!! THIS IS AN EX-MECHWARRIOR!!"

"Just checking," mumbled Dodge, moving toward the Quickdraw. Looking down, he noticed movement. Dodge grinned evilly as Grim Sybil, still clinging to a shred of life, looked up in terror.


>>>>>>>>>>> CHOP <<<<<<<<<<<<

Last edited by Neonin on Wed Jun 06, 2018 7:05 am; edited 1 time in total
Tue Jun 05, 2018 1:19 pm View user's profile Send private message
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The Argument Clinic
With the Argo safely off the planet, Fight Club stood around the briefing room of the Leopard feeling very pleased with themselves. Though the mechs had taken some damage and a couple of injuries had sidelined Neo and brune for a while, overall the mission had been a resounding success. They got paid, got some salvage, Dodge got to chop off a bitches head, and no-one important had died or mysteriously exploded.

"Right," said Neo, rubbing at the bandage on his head irritably. "We're due a holocall from the person who gave us the contract shortly. She's what you would call royalty around here so for God's sake let me do the talking."

"Feel free, we're not interested in some crusty old royal bint anyway," chuckled Carter, glancing sideways at Freedom.

"Speak for yourself, I like the stuck up ones," said Freedom, moving to a position where he'd get a better view of the call. "They love a bit of rough."

Just then the holoscreen sprang into life and their mysterious benefactor appeared:

"Hello Commander. It's a pleasure to see you again, and in such auspicious circumstances. I have received word that the Argo broke away from the surface of the planet and is en-route to my facility, so I assume the mission went well?"

"Fuck me!" whispered brune, nudging Carter in the ribs. "She's fit! Look at Freedom's face!"

Freedom was standing slightly behind Neo with a smug, and adoring, look on his face.

"Yes Lady Centrella," replied Neo, nodding his head politely and wincing as the gesture aggravated his wound. "The Argo is on it's way to you as asked, payment was received from your accountants, and no-one died."

"I trust your wound is not serious?"

"It's unpleasant but nothing to worry about, or so the medics tell me."

"Well that is good, as the time has come to meet your real employer. The shuttle should be docking with your Leopard shortly."

"Here comes the ugly-ass man who's the real power!" snorted brune disdainfully, but quietly. Just then the door to the briefing room opened and a tall, handsome man stepped in, looked around, then made way for the woman behind him. She strode in, eyes taking in everything, and nodded to Neonin.

"Commander. It is good to see you again."

Neonin looked shocked to his core, visibly shaking at the surprise. "Lady Arano! How..? What..? Why..?"

"Fucking hell, another fit one!" Carter whispered to brune. "Freedom doesn't know where to put his face and Neo can't get a word out."

"Is there something wrong with your men Commander?" asked Lady Arano, looking sternly in Carter's direction.

"No Lady, excuse me a moment..." Neo replied, gathering the reluctant Fight Club members together in a corner of the room as Lady Arano greeted Lady Centrella.

"Ok Neo, dibs on the posh one in the holocall!" said Freedom once everyone was clustered together.

"You can have her," said Dodge, glancing over his shoulder at Lady Arano. "I'll have the new one."

"Listen up fuckwits, I'm only going to say this once," snarled Neo, with more menace in his voice than any of them had ever heard. "For the rest of this meeting: Shut. The fuck. UP!"

Taken aback by his uncharacteristic vehemence, the Clubbers agreed to stay quiet. Neo glared at them once more and moved back toward the holotable.

"Apologies, my Ladies, for that brief interruption. Mercenary life attracts all sorts, and sometimes they need reminding of their manners."

"Of course Commander, of course," replied Lady Centrella, with an intrigued glance at the shame-faced mercs. "I was about to end the call anyway, I'm sure you and Lady Arano have a lot to catch up on. Good day Commander, and..." here Lady Centrella paused and her mouth quirked into a smile. "Happy reunion." Her face winked out as she broke the connection.

"Did you hear that?" whispered brune to rest, keeping his voice low so Neo wouldn't hear. "She said reunion. That means Neo knows who this bint is, and he didn't tell us."

"Well let's hear what he says, maybe it'll fill in some blanks," said Carter, motioning for silence as Neonin began to speak again.

"Lady Arano, I was sure you were dead. I saw your DropShip explode in the news reports..."

"Propaganda by my Uncle, Neonin. He couldn't let people think I'd survived or resistance to his new rule might have coalesced."

"She called him Neonin..." observed Dodge quietly. "She knows him."

"But it's been three years," Neonin continued, obviously still shaken. "Where have you been?"

"Hiding with my good friend Lord Madeira, under Lady Centrella's protection. Gathering support. I intend to win my throne back Neonin, and put my uncle and cousin on trial for what they have done. To me. To you. To Raju..."

Neonin bowed his head, an old grief plain on his face. No-one in Fight Club had ever seen him like this. It was... disconcerting. He looked up, genuine anger on his face and a line to his jaw most of them had never even realised was there. "Then you will have Fight Club's support my Lady. For Raju."

"Thank you Commander, and thank you all," Lady Arano said, nodding at the assembled Clubbers. "You will be paid well I promise, and there will be plenty of action before the day is won. I must take my leave to prepare for the coming fight. I leave you a gift: A Centurion CN9-A BattleMech. She was found in the hold of the Argo and I thought you could put her to use."

"Ha! Here comes Neo's wang!" snickered brune.

"What?" asked a confused Carter.

"You'll see," was the reply.

Neo glanced briefly behind him then nodded to Lady Arano. "Thank you. We'll put it to good use, I promise."

"Grow strong Chris. Teach these mercenaries, as Raju taught us, so when the time comes they'll be ready."

"I will Kamea. Until then."

As Lady Arano left the room, trailed by Lord Madeira, a confused silence descended for around thirty seconds as a motionless Neo stood looking at the closed door.

"Fucking hell, since when did Neo have a proper name?" exclaimed Freedom, breaking the tension.

"We've all got proper names, SIMON. We just don't generally use them," said Dodge.

"You shut the fuck up, my name is FreedomShot and don't you forget it."

Brune crossed the room to Neo, who was still staring at the door. With unusual tact, he put a hand on Neo's shoulder. "Care to tell us what the hell all that was about mate?"

Neo glanced at brune, then at the rest of the gang. Some things were better left til later. "I will, but not now. Stand down guys, have a rest. I have a feeling the next few months are going to get... interesting."

Last edited by Neonin on Wed Jun 06, 2018 11:06 am; edited 1 time in total
Tue Jun 05, 2018 7:42 pm View user's profile Send private message
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Minor Side Mission
Picked up a Jenner after the last story mission too, forgot to include that which is why I'm driving that one and not the damned Spider. Not writing up these as there will be loads, the focus will be the story missions. If I'd done that with the XCOM one maybe I'd have finished the damned thing

Mission went well, stomped some vehicles flat and managed to bag a Hunchie 4J, which will now be the lance LRM platform and will replace the Jenner. Vindicator will take on the scout role for now. As you can see Freedom got a go as brune was still injured when this rolled around. Going to look at recruiting two more pilots to deal with injuries, I forgot how careful you have to be in the beginning before the pilot skills start getting good.

Yeah I nicked the title for this section from the website for MWO, sue me.

Just some notes on the configurations I'm using for those interested since I don't tend to run stock mechs. The Jenner had its SRM4 removed to help deal with the heat buildup, and upped the armour somewhat so it could take a few hits as scout. The Shadow Hawk is running its AC/5 along with three SRM4s instead of the LRM10/SRM2/ML combo it had, along with max frontal armour to be the beefy tank. Vindicator lost its long-range PPC and was running 4 x ML and 1 x SL here along with max armour and jumpjets as a flanker/secondary tank.
Wed Jun 06, 2018 10:59 am View user's profile Send private message
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By the way, if anyone has a favourite mech they want to lay claim to in case I find one, let me know, You can give them names so you can name it and I'll make sure you always pilot it when on missions, even if it does make my life more difficult

If you have the game and know what you're doing I'll even let you pick the loadout!
Wed Jun 06, 2018 11:09 am View user's profile Send private message
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Dragon! Because everyone knows they are shit and squishy, right?

And because the game won't let me make Facial Extreme

It's 106 miles to Naum, we've got a Skyguard, a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it's dark and the gunner's wearing sunglasses
Wed Jun 06, 2018 4:05 pm View user's profile Send private message
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