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The Warcraft Adventures of Kwaj and Twenz
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The Warcraft Adventures of Kwaj and Twenz
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mdk
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We need someone to step in, I was quite enjoying this. :D

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Wed Feb 15, 2017 12:22 am View user's profile Send private message
Tenz
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Episode 4: Westfall

In vanilla WoW, Westfall was a bit like Lucage's favourite sheep; pretty but a bit dull. In the Cataclysm expansion the devs spruced it up a bit by adding this CSI: Miami style investigation that runs through the whole zone.

On entering Westfall you meet this guy:





Who starts a sentence and then puts some shades on before finishing it like this:



yeeeeeeeeeehhhhhhhhhhahaaaaaaa etc

The zone is quite heavily scripted so little leeway for getting it wrong. We had to find some handkerchiefs which were either in the basement or the attic, Twenz went to the basement, they turned out to be in the attic. Pretty standard for us and at one point Twenz realised ProxyNeo was wasting away and so managed to purchase an orphan from a local farmwife:



Then a werewolf in the stocks at Sentinel Hill got Horatioed:



We will be seeing more of him later.

And via a series of events far too lengthy to bother with describing here, we had to persuade a reluctant king of Stormwind to send help to Sentinel Hill. Kwaj's solution to the problem was obvious I guess:



Eventually we were ready for our first dungeon: the Dreadmines! We split up to sell and repair and stuff and agreed to meet at the entrance. Twenz had to go find Kwaj though.... someone had a good night out!



Eventually we got it together and were ready to head in for our first instance!




We will be doing most of our levelling in the dungeons because the open world content is laughably easy solo, let alone as a duo but the dungeons in WoW are designed to be run by a balanced team of 5. Instead of that we have a team of two, a hunter who thinks he is a tank and a priest who thinks he is a mage. What could possibly go wrong?

Well... quite a lot actually. Turns out holding aggro with a pet is.... interesting. Pulling in a dungeon is an art form. When faced with the following situation there are several ways for a talented tank to grab the attention of just one or two of the three mobs:



Go get em Neo!

Unfortunately we don't have a talented tank and this happens (it happens a lot!):



Er... Neo!?

Dungeons in MMOs are often filled with shiny trappy things that are designed to catch out unwary adventurers. Twenz knows this. Kwaj knows this. It's like a compulsion though:



On teamspeak you've got Kwaj, WHO KNOWS BETTER, saying "I'm gonna do it!... Doing it!... Done it!.... Oh... this could be bad..."



Twenz: "Nice pull dude!"
Kwaj: "It's a gift!"

Later on... well... oh fuck it, I'll just post the picture, it doesn't need an explanation:



Nice hat mate!

Twenz thought this was hilarious of course. Karma, being a right bitch, decided payback was in order for the next fight:




Goblin hats are all the rage in Stormwind right now.

Sigh.

We ran into this dude who looked a bit sad and lonely so we were going to leave him be... but then he made a terrible mistake:



Eventually we got to the end boss, who turned out to be someone we saw before:



The fight was going swimmingly up until the high-protein diet we had been feeding ProxyNeo backfired in a rather nasty fart:



However, we prevailed, mainly due to some truly epic standing-at-the-back activity from Twenz and some fearless, if not particularly controlled, tanking by ProxyNeo. Kwaj may also have helped a bit. Ripsnarl RIP.

There was then a murloc called Cookie fighting us from inside a cauldron but he was piss easy and Horatio put in one last appearance to see us off:



And that's the end of Westfall.

Two final items of note:

1. The 'random animals attacking Kwaj ' thing continues. In this picture we killed the hostile guy on the right, the non-hostile monkey just up and started throwing poo at Kwaj for no apparent reason.



2. I found this in my old screenshots folder and.. well just look at it:



We've all been there, right lads?

In our next episode:

- Kwaj has a really good idea!
- Kwaj follows it up with a really stupid idea!
- We die! A lot!
- Skurm makes a terrible mistake!

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It's 106 miles to Naum, we've got a Skyguard, a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it's dark and the gunner's wearing sunglasses
Sun Feb 19, 2017 8:09 pm View user's profile Send private message
Neonin
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YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

I think a bit of pee came out with the goblin attached to your face pic...
Mon Feb 20, 2017 12:22 am View user's profile Send private message
Carter
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Location: Get orf moy Laaaaaaaand!

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Keep thinking "Leeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrooooooooooooooyyyyy" as I read through it

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"OH NO! A BOURGEOIS BIG-BOLLOCKED BOILER!!!!! THATS ALL´╗┐ I NEED", Conker The Squirrel, 2001
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Oi may be from the West Coutry but i'm not a hobbit, a pirate or a farmer me old shagger
Mon Feb 20, 2017 6:25 pm View user's profile Send private message
Tenz
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Episode 5 - Wailing Caverns and Blackfathom Deeps

Having successfully vanquished their first dungeon, the intrepid duo were eager for more holes to.. er.. enter.

We have to travel on foot to each dungeon and they are spread out a lot. Twenz laid out a broad travel route across several zones to the next dungeon when Kwaj had a rather good idea. Since we were halfway through level 19, why not grind a few quests to level 20, get our mounts and then we would cross those zones a lot quicker...

After taking a while to recover from the shock induced by Kwaj coming up with a good idea, Twenz agreed and soon we were mounted! Er.. on mounts!





Roooaaar!

The Wailing Caverns are situated in the Northern Barrens, primarily a Horde zone, and to get there we had to cross from Ashenvale, a Night Elf dark and moody forest area. Below is a picture of the border. On the right is a big, unguarded hole in the fence. On the left is a Horde outpost, filled with high-level Orc guards who don't like pansy Alliance Night Elves at all.




Despite having purple hair, pointy ears, eyebrows wider than his shoulders and being on top of a Night Elf racial mount, Captain Observant totally forgot we were playing pansy Alliance Night Elves instead of our usual mighty Orcs and he also neglected to see all the red name-plates on the guards and elected to just ride right into the outpost. The Orcs took offence at this:




Twenz was extremely sympathetic, obviously, and only used the term 'fuckwit' four or five dozen times.

Once Kwaj had rezzed, tried to run clear, failed, been killed again, given up, rezzed at the graveyard for a HUUUGE repair bill and finally got back to the proper hole (in the fence) Twenz had a really good idea and suggested a diversion to the neutral Goblin town of Ratchet where we could bind at the inn, jump the ship to Booty Bay on the other continent and pick up the flight path there for ease of use in the future.

On getting off the boat in Booty Bay, Twenz missed the gangplank and fell in the bay and had to swim fucking miles to get out.




Kwaj was obviously extremely sympathetic but while laughing his tits off proceeded to fall off himself and then got chased by a big fugly level 100 monster living in the bay.




Twenz was again, extremely sympathetic in return and barely took the piss at all for the next twenty minutes. Our somewhat damp heroes finally managed to get the flight path, recalled to Ratchet and got to the Wailing Caverns.

The first boss in WC is Lord Pythas. Twenz fell asleep. Neo kicked his arse. Kwaj may have helped.




The mobs are a bit tougher now and the pet tanking thing is starting to have ever more interesting issues. Here Twenz attempts to pull jut the single druid;




I managed instead to pull not only all five mobs in the picture but just for good measure another two that were off the side of the screen. Obviously I blamed it all on Neo and then went to sleep again.




Sigh

Next we met a nice cuddly lizard we wanted to be friends with... but then it made a terrible mistake:




Onwards we met Lady Anaconda... Twenz fell asleep... again




Whilst running around the big chasm in the middle of the zone Twenz remembered the last time we were in here a couple of years back when Kwaj accidentally fell into the big, dark hole. Twenz spent a lengthy amount of time reminding Kwaj of this and roundly mocking him for it. 5 minutes later Karma showed up again.




Well... shit

Kwaj was kind of laughing because it was funny and kind of not laughing because we were doing an escort mission and tank-pet Neo followed me down the hole

Eventually we took on the big bad end boss Mutanus the Devourer... Twenz fell asleep... again...




Well fuck you Wailing Caverns I slept through most of it, onwards to... Blackfathom Deeps!

We run into this douchebag throwing prisoners into the water for the murlocs to munch on:




Now by this point we are rocking along, the pulling is messy and increasingly getting on my tits but we are dealing with it and managing to kill group bosses two levels higher than we are relatively easily.

Then we ran into this motherfucker:



Subjugator fucking Kor'ul. We died:





Then we died again...




And then we died yet again. Keen observers will note I died almost on top of my previous corpse.




The issue was one of aggro, he completely ignored the pet and did this stupid grasp attack that hit for around 90% of your health. We got so close to killing him it wasn't funny, then I decided to stick the pet in DPS mode as it wasn't getting hit:





IN YOUR FACE!!!!! AND YOUR MOM's FACE!!!! AND YOUR MOM's MOM's FACE!!! And yes, I teabagged its corpse and it felt so good! Petty, but good!

So further on, Twenz got into a bit of tentacle trouble which Kwaj found hilarious:




There was some discussion on TS about how it's always funny when its someone else. Not long after, it was someone else and it was funny:




Underwater boss next. Twenz is all set to steam in and start the fight when on TS:

Kwaj: Twenz?
Twenz: Yes Kwaj?
Kwaj: Is the pet back in Tank stance?
Twenz: ....
Twenz: ....
Twenz: Good call! it is now!

Finger <--> Pulse

So after rectifying that slight issue we proceed to whup its ass. However, this screenshot of our glorious victory contains a small but vital piece of information that Twenz, in the heat of battle didn't notice:




Yup, 3.5 seconds of air left. Plenty right? Nope:





Oh ffs.

Kwaj of course was extremely sympathetic and only laughed for about 10 minutes.

Finally, we were ready to wtfpwn the big bad boss:




Here endeth Blackfathom Deeps.


Next episode:

- Hogger returns and we finally get our loot!
- The Crowd Pummeler 9-60 makes a terrible mistake!
- We die! A lot!
- We overlook something fairly obvious!

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It's 106 miles to Naum, we've got a Skyguard, a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it's dark and the gunner's wearing sunglasses
Wed Mar 01, 2017 7:35 pm View user's profile Send private message
Neonin
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ProxyNeo becomes PoxyNeo... typing error or real feelings finally coming through?
Thu Mar 02, 2017 8:03 pm View user's profile Send private message
Tenz
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Oh that, right... er... typo?

I grabbed the shale spider just before the underwater boss. It actually turned out to be a pretty good tank but for some reason it had a fit on the next boss, ran off in the wrong direction and aggroed half the cave on us

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It's 106 miles to Naum, we've got a Skyguard, a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it's dark and the gunner's wearing sunglasses
Fri Mar 03, 2017 8:14 am View user's profile Send private message
Neonin
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Definitely PoxyNeo then!

Let this be a lesson to all Clubbers: Don't name things after me. They will inevitably fuck up and cause much swearing
Fri Mar 03, 2017 11:57 am View user's profile Send private message
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